A Long Way Home
by DarkAngel814
Summary: After escaping back to New York, Ruthie returns to her "normal" life. But as she settles back in she realizes how much things have changed in her absence and things quickly begin to go downhill. Where will Ruthie land? Sequel to Little White Powder R
1. Returning To Normal

Chapter One: Returning to Normal

It felt wonderful to be back in New York, back where she belonged and she was only slightly panicked that at any moment her entire family could come bursting into her life. But it wouldn't matter because in two days she and Megan would be living with Tyler, officially. They already lived with him, all their stuff just wasn't moved in. She didn't want to stop being Megan's roommate and she also didn't want to live with Tyler but it was necessary. If she returned to her dorm then she'd be a sitting duck. So both she and Megan were moving in with Tyler, she'd already given the bouncers the names and pictures of the most likely people to come and find her, Matt, Simon, or her Father.

Megan lay down beside Ruthie causing the bed to shift underneath her as she lay on her back staring up at the ceiling. She rolled over so that she was face to face with Megan, their faces so close that she could almost count her eyelashes. Megan smiled gently and reached a slender hand out and brushed the thin strands of hair away from Ruthie's eyes. Megan ran her hand down the back of Ruthie's head feeling her hair and grinned.

"I love your new haircut," She said putting her hands under her head and shifting position slightly. Ruthie smiled and rolled back on to her back. "I think Tyler likes it too." Megan giggled. Ruthie looked at her from the corner of her eyes and raised her eyebrows.

"Oh, why is that?" Ruthie asked. Megan smiled evilly.

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's because you look hot!" Megan said. Ruthie looked at her and laughed. She loved her new hairstyle it was different then she'd ever had it in her life. She loved change; it made her excited, like she could really do anything.

"Yeah. You're right," she said smiling. Megan grabbed the pillow from behind her head and smacked Ruthie in the face with it. Ruthie laughed and grabbed the pillow behind her and started a pillow fight. It felt so normal here; these moments with Megan were perfect and made her forget about the rest of her life. If her parents could see her now they wouldn't think she was in trouble.

Tyler walked in holding a beer; he took a sip and walked over to the bed. He watched as Ruthie and Megan rolled around flinging pillows.

"What are you doing?" Tyler said suddenly. Ruthie and Megan stopped and looked at Tyler who was eying them strangely.

"Nothing…" Ruthie said dropping the pillow. Megan smiled and swung her pillow smacking Ruthie in the face and knocking her off the bed.

"I win." Megan said standing on the bed and doing a little happy dance. Ruthie was on the floor in a strange position.

"Ow!" Ruthie said laughing as she picked herself up off the floor. "That was sneaky!" She hissed.

"Yo, we going or what?" Tyler interrupted. Ruthie turned and glared at him.

"Yes. We are. Just give us a minute to get ready." She said shortly she made a face at him and turned to look at Megan who rolled her eyes. Tyler shook his head and left the room mumbling to himself. Ruthie got up and walked over and ripped open one of the boxes.

"Whoa, superwoman, no need to destroy the box." Megan said sitting criss-cross on the bed.

"He just." Ruthie stopped and lowered her voice. She walked over and closed the door. She looked at Megan and lowered her voice, "He just pisses me off! He's so fucking moody. Sometimes I just want to slap him across the face. Martin's never like that—"Ruthie stopped and turned away from Megan. A lump forming in her throat as she thought about him. She couldn't believe she'd said Martin, before she'd gone back to Glenoak she never thought about Martin let alone compared Tyler to him. But here she was, thinking how much better Martin was when all he'd done when she was home was make her nervous, shy, exactly like she used to be…a love struck fifteen year old…

"Martin?" Megan said confused. "That guy in Glenoak?"

"Never mind." Ruthie said quietly. There was no point thinking about Martin, besides Tyler had one quality Martin didn't, he accepted her lifestyle. She pulled out a short jean skirt and tossed it over her head onto the bed. Megan crawled over to the side of the bed and reached under pulling out one of her boxes that was already open.

"I just wish he could say one thing without whining, or giving me attitude." Ruthie said returning to bashing Tyler. Megan shrugged and pulled off her pajama shorts and top leaving her in her bra and underwear. Ruthie continued searching through the box for a top. Finally she found a black camisole with white lace. She pulled off Tyler's pajama shirt and got dressed. When she looked back at Megan she was wearing a tight white skirt and a red halter top. After they finished doing their hair and makeup they informed Tyler they were done.

"So where are we going anyway?" Ruthie asked

"I told you, a party." Tyler said. Ruthie frustrated glared at him and crossed her arms. "Stop being so fucking difficult!" Ruthie didn't say anything. She just walked out of the apartment with Megan and waited for him downstairs.

The three of them got into a cab and took it down to a rundown area of Tribeca. The cab pulled in and they stepped out, it was dark out and relatively deserted except for the crowd of people outside of an apartment building down the block. The block they were on split in two half way through and there was a sort of alley with rundown buildings. The crowd was in front of one of 

the buildings. Tyler got out of the cab and put his arm around Ruthie, who looked up at him. His eyes were so dark that she felt so lost looking into them, but sometimes when he was sorry she could see a tiny light shine through. He smiled earnestly and pulled her close that shine in his eyes and Ruthie forgave him.

The three walked down towards the apartment building, the crowd actually wasn't as large as she'd thought. It was only six men standing in a group blocking the steps leading up to a rundown brownstone. Ruthie watched them as they approached and saw them smiling and eyeing Megan and suddenly Ruthie had an idea where they were going.

Tyler walked up to them and greeted them, he whispered something Ruthie couldn't hear and then nodded for Ruthie and Megan to follow him. Ruthie looked at Megan, she was a little nervous she felt like she had when Megan took her to the HotSpot the first time; Nervous, insecure, excited.

Ruthie looked back at the men watching them, one grabbed Megan's ass, but Megan just took Ruthie's hand and led her into the building.

The change in scenery was quite drastic compared to the cold, damp, dark outside. The inside was warm; the air coated with smoke was so thick she could taste it. Everything had a red tint to it, the furniture and walls were either blood red or dark colors like black or green. There were men and women pawing each other all over the place, hanging on to the walls and railings.

"Hey," Ruthie pulled out of her trance to see Marcus standing in front of her. His black hair pulled back in a ponytail, his hair less greasy so that it complimented his caramel color. He'd grown a goatee and gotten rid of the hideous trench coat. He was now wearing grungy black jeans, a grey hoodie with a black zip up sweater on top.

"Marcus…" Ruthie was surprised by his appearance he actually looked decent, just as frightening but decent.

"Ruthie, right?" He said checking her out. Megan smacked his chest and he pulled his eyes away from her breasts. "California did you good."

"Uh, thanks." Ruthie said. She couldn't help but think that her breast had not changed but maybe it was the slight tan and new haircut that made her look better overall.

"Megan," He looked at her and gestured for her to follow him. Megan looked at Ruthie.

"I'll be back." Megan disappeared with Marcus, leaving Tyler and Ruthie alone. Tyler took Ruthie's hand and grabbed them each something to drink before taking her back into one of the rooms. The room was quiet and dark, with the lights dimmed. Tyler and Ruthie sat down on the bed. Tyler handed Ruthie a drink and pulled open a drawer.

Ruthie watched him setup a needle. "Is this like your room or something?"

"Or something…" Tyler responded. Ruthie said nothing and continued looking around the room. She took a sip of her Bacardi and felt her stomach burn as the liquid filled her insides, a warmth creeping up her cheeks.

Ruthie watched Tyler shoot up in a daze; it was strange to return to her life after being in Glenoak. She felt so out of place, like she didn't belong. She realized how much things had changed in the week she'd been gone. She was nervous about going back to work tomorrow, how weird would it be to be back on stage. She couldn't believe so much had changed in one week.

Tyler gently took Ruthie's arm bringing her out of her daze. She looked at him innocently and blank, like a child. His eyes were glazed over as he wrapped her arm tightly and took out the needle. Ruthie hesitated and pulled her arm back slightly.

"Don't worry, I won't hurt you…" Tyler said softly stroking her hair. Ruthie looked at him nervously but held her arm back out to show that she trusted him. She felt a small twinge as the needle entered her skin but the pain dissolved as an exciting new warmth rushed over her, erasing every thought in her mind.

Tyler leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips, which she returned by pulling him closer and wrapping her arms around his neck. He pushed her gently back on to the bed so that she lay flat beneath him. She could feel his heart pounding against his chest as his body grew closer to hers.

Ruthie wanted to speak to tell him she loved him, but she couldn't. She couldn't speak, she couldn't breathe all she could do was focus on Tyler and hope that he wouldn't let go of her, afraid if he did she'd fall endlessly. She held on to him tears in her eyes. He stopped and pulled back. He looked at her confused and put one hand on her cheek wiping away some of the tears.

"Am I hurting you?" He asked. Ruthie looked at him, her eyes deepened with pain and confusion. She didn't know what to say, it wasn't his fault. What he was doing was wonderful, but an overwhelming feeling of pain and fear had overcome her and she didn't know why.

"No. I'm hurting myself…" She cried quietly. Confused Tyler pulled her up and hugged her close. Ruthie cried into his shoulder, fear consuming her every sob. Whether it was the pain of the past week releasing itself, the fear of what was to come, or whatever Tyler had given her she wasn't sure. But at that moment it didn't matter what the cause was, just how painful it was.

* * *

Author's Note: Finally, I'm back. I hope you all enjoyed this first chapter I worked really hard on it because I wanted to start off the sequel well, I think it came out well let me know what you all think. I'm still working out the kinks in the outline, I know what I want to have happen but I need to work everything out so that it will run smoothly. But I really wanted to get a chapter out for all of you.

Sorry if the chapters not that long I really wanted to focus on details instead of length. Some of the details I really like, other are...eh...I'll update as soon as I get the next chapter done.

Katie :)


	2. Replaced

Chapter Two: Replaced

Ruthie pulled up her long leather boots as she sat at the edge of the bed, Tyler knocked out behind her. She zipped up her boots and stood up pulling her jean mini skirt down and adjusting her Black leather halter top. She glanced back at Tyler who didn't even twitch, sighing she grabbed her purse and left. It was going to be her first night back at the HotSpot and she was both excited and nervous. Megan was already there but Ruthie had a class earlier and had to go home and changed. It was so strange being back at NYU. She hadn't missed it all. In fact the entire time she was in class she was worrying about being caught. Anywhere her brother's new about she was worried. She was even worried to go back to the HotSpot.

Ruthie hopped on the bus and took a seat; she was used to the disapproving looks from the women on the bus. Now when they shook their heads Ruthie laughed. If she didn't care what her mother and father thought why would she care what some stuck-up strangers thought. The bus stopped and a young girl with long dirty blonde hair, a baby face and light green eyes stepped on. The only reason she caught Ruthie's eye was that she reminded her of herself. The young girl looked to be Ruthie's age, maybe younger, and she was wearing a black leotard under tiny jean shorts. Her blonde hair pinned up in a messy bun. Her round baby face made up with tons of makeup.

The girl swiped in her metro card and turned towards Ruthie as she headed down the aisle. Ruthie stopped her when she saw "The HotSpot" stitched onto her leotard in flaming red letters.

"Hey," Ruthie said as the girl reached her. The girl looked at Ruthie her guard up. "You work at the Hot Spot?"

"Yeah. Why?" The girl said slowly.

"So do I." Ruthie said. The girl let her guard down a little. Ruthie slid over hoping the girl would sit. The girl looked around and then back at Ruthie. She looked Ruthie up and down and then sat.

"I've never seen you there."She said adjusting herself before looking up at Ruthie.

"I've been away for the past week. I was in California." Ruthie said brushing some hair behind her ear. The girls eyes widened and her cheeks turned pink.

"You're Kitty!" She said a little louder then Ruthie would have liked. "Well, Ruthie."

"Uh yeah. How did you know that?"'

"Because, well, Mimi—I mean Megan always talks about you." The girl said.

"Yeah, Megan's my best friend."

"It was so sad what happened to her. We were all so happy when she came back." She said. "I'm Kaylie by the way. I just started working there. Actually I was hired right after you left. But I'm not as good as you. Everybody's been waiting for you to come back. I didn't recognize you because you cut your hair. I like it though it looks really pretty." Kaylie said smiling. Ruthie blinked unsure what to say.

"Thanks…Uh, Kaylie…how old are you?" Ruthie asked.

"I'm eighteen. Well…" Kaylie stopped and bit her lip. "You won't tell right?" Ruthie shook her head. "I'm only sixteen I'll be seventeen in December, but Mr. Johnson's letting me work there anyway because I really need a job."

"You're still in High School?" Ruthie asked surprised by how young she was.

"Oh no. Well, I should be but I dropped out." Kaylie said finally taking her eyes off Ruthie.

"Why?" Ruthie asked sounding sincere. The bus stopped and Kaylie looked up.

"This is our stop." Kaylie got up and headed for the back door. Ruthie followed her. It was perfect timing for the bus to pull up at their stop because she could tell that Kaylie didn't want to talk about it.

Ruthie caught up with Kaylie who was speed walking down the block.

"Hey, I'm sorry. Didn't mean to push." Ruthie said. Kaylie slowed down and looked up at Ruthie.

"It's okay…"She said quietly. "It's just a long story…that I don't really want to get into." Ruthie nodded. Ruthie stopped. "What?"

Ruthie looked at the HotSpot and her mouth went dry. In place of her and Megan's poster was a large picture of Kaylie in bunny ears bending forward revealing her breasts, one finger in her mouth, her large green eyes glistening. Ruthie looked at Kaylie whose cheeks went red again.

"Mr. Johnson asked me to do it. I couldn't really say no. I'm just glad my family lives in Maine. They're not going to see it." Ruthie nodded. The shock of seeing Kaylie like that was one thing, but it also hurt that she'd been replaced.

"Let's go in." Ruthie said pushing open the glass door for Kaylie. Kaylie walked in and Ruthie followed. The inside looked the same except all the dancers were wearing outfits similar to Kaylie's, Megan had forgotten to mention the new uniform. Ruthie hurried back into the dressing room where she spotted Megan.

"Oh, I'm sorry I forgot." Megan said spotting Ruthie and Kaylie together.

"It's ok. But, Uniforms?" Ruthie said looking at Megan. Megan responded to Ruthie's look by discretely rolling her eyes.

"They were my idea." Kaylie said proudly. Ruthie looked at Kaylie and smiled.

"I'm going to go get ready." Ruthie put her stuff down in front of her vanity and looked at Megan.

"She's his new favorite," Megan mouthed raising her eyebrows. While, Ruthie liked Kaylie she could tell Megan did not.

"She's sixteen." Ruthie mouthed. Megan's eyes widened.

"I knew it!" She whispered. Megan turned but Ruthie grabbed her arm.

"Don't!" Ruthie hissed.

"But—"

"Megan!" Ruthie said. Megan made a face but sighed. Ruthie picked up her uniform. It was a black tie on top with "The HotSpot" stitched on to the right breast. With light blue denim shorts and a red leather belt. Ruthie changed into them and headed for the stage, glad to just be up there dancing. To be another person. To be Kitty once again.

* * *

"Let's go," Megan said once Ruthie had finished changing back into the outfit she'd come in. Ruthie groaned.

"I don't want to go there!" She whined.

"I don't want to go by myself. Please?" She said sticking out her lower lip.

"Fine." Ruthie sighed.

"You going to Marcus's?" Kaylie asked. Ruthie looked at Kaylie.

"Um…how do you know Marcus?"

"She lives with him." Megan said dully making a face that Kaylie couldn't see because Megan had her back to her. Ruthie hit Megan lightly in the stomach and turned her attention back to Kaylie.

"You what?"

"I live with him, well I live at his house."

"That's the same thing." Megan said quickly.

"Well, I'm not the only one. And your there almost as much as I am." Kaylie said in sugary voice. Megan turned to glare at Kaylie. Ruthie put her hand over her mouth to cover her smile. Megan looked back at Ruthie.

"Let's go." Megan said grabbing Ruthie's arm. Kaylie grabbed her stuff and followed them somewhat at a skip.

* * *

"Do you want to see my room? Marcus let me have my own room and decorate it pretty much however I wanted!" Kaylie said. Ruthie's heat broke at how young Kaylie sounded, she couldn't understand how someone so innocent could be in this situation, doing what Kaylie was doing.

"Sure." Ruthie followed Kaylie up the stairs. She looked back at Megan who eyed Kaylie but continued talking to Marcus and some other guy. Kaylie opened her door and dropped her bag. The room was small but sweet looking. It had a queen size bed a night stand and a dresser. The walls were dark blue continuing the theme of the rest of the house. The bedspread was dark blue with moons on it and the inside was baby blue, as were the pillows. There were a couple of teddy bears on the bed.

"Do you like it? I don't have much of my stuff because I left it in Maine." Kaylie said taking a seat on her bed.

"It's sweet." Ruthie said standing in the middle of the room. Kaylie watched her she could tell what she was thinking.

"I had to." Ruthie turned to look at her confused. "I had to leave. I couldn't stay in Maine. I lived in a small town. Everyone knew me. But no one really knew me."

"I understand that. I come from a small town in California where not only does everyone know me but they know me because I'm a PK. Preacher's daughter." Ruthie said sitting beside Kaylie. Kaylie smiled at Ruthie.

"Kaylie." Ruthie and Kaylie turned to see Marcus in the doorway. "Hey Ruthie. The party's downstairs. Kaylie I got someone who wants to meet you." Kaylie bit her bottom lip and looked at Ruthie.

"We should talk later. I have to go. Have fun." Kaylie got up and waited for Ruthie to do the same. Ruthie got up and left the room. Marcus looked at her and she continued on down the stairs. Megan was off somewhere, and she didn't know anyone else at the party, so she grabbed a drink and took a seat next to someone who looked friendly enough to share.

Within the hour Ruthie was completely smashed, she wandered around aimlessly. A man took her hand and led her up the stairs. He opened a door and turned on the lights. Kaylie was underneath a significantly older guy. Her clothes scattered on the floor. The man smiled up at them and that was the last thing Ruthie remembered.

* * *

Authors Note: Okay I hope everyone liked the second chapter. I really like Kaylie I think she's adorable. I am so happy to have written in a new character because while there had alway s been other dancers at the catscratch you never really meet them or know them. Now we have Kaylie who's not only younger then Ruthie, who had been the youngest if only by a couple months, but also is Mr. Johnson's new favorite which had been Megan's role. Kaylie is basically Megan's replacement.

There is a lot more to Kaylie's story which you will be learning in future chapters and there will be more about what's going on back in Glenoak later. I was going to put that in to this chapter but I changed my mind so it will be in the next chapter. As of right now Ruthie has just started school again, today was her first day back just to give you a bit of the timeline.

To answer som questions that came up at the end of the first one:

1. It was Matt that she punched sorry it was not clear enough I tried to imply that.

2. Yes at the end of the last chapter she is back in NY which by now I'm sure you've figured out.

Katie


	3. Last Bit Of Normalacy

Chapter Three: Last Bit Of Normalacy

Eric sat at his desk at the church, staring at the blank computer screen. Since Ruthie had left he'd gotten little to no work done. It was almost noon and he'd been sitting here thinking for the past hour. The phone rang and he quickly picked it up, his heart skipping a beat as he waited for a response.

"Hello?" Eric answered.

"May I speak to Mr. Camden?" The voice was unfamiliar to Eric. But it was obviously someone who didn't know him or know of him if he was being referred to as Mr. Camden. Images flashed through his mind as he thought of Ruthie fearfully, afraid this call could be the one they were dreading.

"This is Rev. Camden. Who's calling?"

"This is Michael Porter from the academic office at NYU. I'm calling to inform you that your daughter has been expelled."

"What?" Eric asked his mouth dry.

"She's failing every single class she is in and since she lost her scholarship last semester she has not paid the tuition. So she has been expelled." There was silence as Eric processed this. "Her bill still needs to be paid—"

"Uh...I'll take care of it…Goodbye." Eric hung up and stared at the phone blankly. Time seemed to slow down as he sat there letting everything sink in. His mind going over every moment he'd spent with Ruthie over the past year. Every conversation they'd had. Every second he could recall. Trying to see where everything went wrong, if there was anything he could have done to prevent what has happened to his daughter.

He'd dealt with this situation numerous times over the years. Parents, he helped deal with children in this exact situation. But now when he was dealing with his own daughter he was at a loss as to what to do. He felt completely powerless, and it frightened him.

For the first time in a long time Eric began to cry. Hot tears streamed down his cheeks as he cried for the daughter he was afraid he'd lost, for the girl she now was, and for who she may still become.

For the first time since the incident with Mary Eric was at a loss as how to help his own child.

* * *

Ruthie paced her and Tyler's bedroom, going over every detail from last night that she could remember. A thick drowning feeling rushing over every part of her body, suffocating her every breath. It wasn't a feeling she liked, or one she wanted to feel again.

Terrified of what she couldn't remember, but frightened more by what she did. Was she finally seeing how deep she was? Was it finally sinking in that she may have gotten herself into a bad situation?

One memory stuck out in her mind the strongest. It wasn't the fractured memory of sleeping with a stranger, or watching Megan disappear with a new guy every couple hours, or even the argument she'd had with Tyler this morning. It was seeing Kaylie, a girl whose innocence is as obvious as the stains on her powder blue sheets. A child. That's what Kaylie was. Is. And seeing her the other night is an image Ruthie will never forget. One almost strong enough to break her from her destructive path.

"Ruthie," Tyler yelled through door. Ruthie groaned and sat down on the edge of the bed tears at the brink of her eyes. Dealing with Tyler was on the top of her list of things to avoid.

"Tyler. I can't talk right now." Ruthie yelled weakly. Tyler opened the door and came in anyway. Not that Ruthie was surprised. For starters it was their room, and Tyler was beyond pissed. She was surprised he'd let her be this long after their argument this morning. Apparently, Tyler had found out about last night and refreshed quite a bit of Ruthie's memory.

"Too bad"

"Tyler! I already told you I don't remember! What else do you want from me? I'm sorry! You know that! It's not as though you haven't messed up before or should I remind you of my black eye!" Ruthie said working herself up into hysterics. She knew perfectly well what she had done was terrible and she wasn't sure whether or not the fact that she couldn't remember made it better or worse. And she wanted him to know she was sorry, but she would only apologize so many times. Nobody's perfect, least of all Tyler.

"Sorry?! Ruthie you fucked some strange guy and you don't even know his name! Fuck, you don't even know what he looks like!" Tyler shrieked. Ruthie stood up, tears streaming down her face, but a fire lit behind her eyes.

"Well, where the hell were you last night? Off doing whatever the fuck it is you're keeping from me! God! Why is it that everyone in my life is hiding something from me? You! Megan! Am I that innocent that I can't fucking be trusted with whatever you two are doing?"

"You always pull this shit!" Tyler screamed advancing toward her his fist in the air. Ruthie stepped back in fear. Tyler's stopped seeing the fear in her eyes. "You don't want to know what I'm doing! No matter what you do Ruthie..." Tyler stopped. "Never mind."

"What? No matter what I do. What?" Ruthie asked. She glared at him waiting for him to finish.

"Fine. No matter what you do, you're still that good girl from Glenoak. Do drugs, fine. Fuck whoever you want, fine. But there is still a level you haven't even scratched and that's why Megan and I have secrets from you. Because no matter what you've done we've done worse in your eyes!" Tyler yelled. Ruthie glared at him blankly unable to respond. She didn't even know how to process what he had just said. Her phone vibrated and Ruthie picked up, she grabbed her bag and sweater as she passed Tyler without a word.

"Hello?" Ruthie said trying to keep her voice from shaking.

"Ms. Camden?"

"Yeah. Who's calling?" Ruthie said slightly annoyed as she pushed the elevator button rapidly. Half expecting for the crappy thing to be broken down.

"This is the Dean of Academics at NYU—"

"Unless this is an emergency I really can't talk right now!" Ruthie said harshly, losing control of her voice and allowing a small sob to escape.

"We've been trying to contact you for almost a week now." The elevator doors swung open.

"Look I'll stop by the academic office on my way to class, because I really can't talk right now." With that Ruthie hung up.

* * *

Ruthie entered the academic office at NYU her bag slung over her shoulder one hand digging through it as she walked. She hadn't been back here since she'd returned to New York a week ago, not that anything had changed except her.

"Um, I got a call from the Dean of Academics—"

"Ms. Camden?" Ruthie turned around to see a tall man in a suit.

"Yeah. You wanted to talk to me. I have class in twenty minutes so—"

"Ms. Camden why don't we talk in my office?" He said holding out an arm as if to direct her.

"I really can't stay long." Ruthie said closing her bag and adjusting the shoulder strap.

"Actually you can." Ruthie looked up at him confused. "My office, Ms. Camden." Ruthie followed him quietly and took a seat in the chair in front of his desk.

"So what is this about?" Ruthie asked impatiently.

"We've been trying to contact you for the past two weeks—"

"I went home for Spring Break." Ruthie said quickly. "Why did you need to contact me?" Ruthie said redirecting the conversation back.

"You haven't attended any of you classes in weeks."

"Two weeks, and one was a vacation week—"

"You've missed numerous classes previous to that. Enough that you have failed several of them. You last semester grades were below what you needed to keep your scholarship—"

"Just get to the point!" Ruthie yelled tearfully, she could feel her chest tightening. She knew exactly what his point was.

"You've been expelled." Ruthie didn't hear the rest of what he'd said. She knew this was coming, no matter how hard she'd wanted to ignore the signs. This was the one normal aspect of her life. As long as she'd had this, she could pretend as though nothing was wrong.

Ruthie got up ignoring him completely. Ignoring his pleas for her to wait and listen to him. Ruthie left his office the door slamming shut behind her. She could feel all eyes on her as she walked through the office and out the door.

* * *

Megan spotted Kaylie sitting at her vanity finishing up her make-up. Megan walked over to Kaylie and slammed her hand down on the vanity. Kaylie jumped and dropped her lipgloss. She looked at Megan in surprise.

"What the hell was that for?" Kaylie yelled picking up her lipgloss. "Ew." She said looking at the now hairy applicator. She tossed it in the trash and glared up at Megan.

"What happened yesterday?" Megan yelled.

"You owe me a new lipgloss." Kaylie said simply ignoring Megan. Kaylie stood up so that she was face to face with her.

"Would you get over yourself for one second, you little brat!" Megan said pushing Kaylie back into her seat by her shoulders.

"Hey—" Kaylie protested.

"What. Happened. Yesterday!" Megan demanded. Kaylie looked up at her, her eyes narrowed to little slits. Just then Ruthie walked in her eyes red from crying, she had a distant look to her like she didn't know exactly what was going on. She was soaking wet, as though she had just walked here in the pouring rain. Droplets of rain dripping off her eyelashes as she blinked. Kaylie looked over at her and her anger disappeared. She looked back up at Megan who had glanced over at Ruthie and then back at Kaylie glaring. Kaylie sighed and turned back to her mirror while Megan rushed over to Ruthie.

* * *

Authors Note: Hey! I am so sorry it took me so ong. But it took me awhile to write this chapter and I'm still not really happy with how it came out. I just started college and it's a lot of work. Once I have a complete outline of this story it should be easier for me when I do have time to sit down and type out a chapter but without the outline when Ihave time I still don't know where to go. I'm having trouble with the outline because I'm a little reluctant to my original plan since somethings have changed and I want this story to be realistic. But thank you for being so patient.

I am going to try either this weekend or next to sit down and write the outline, and I will try to have another chapter up as soon as possible. I also have been doing a lot of youtube videos which takes up a lot of my attention. But I really want to continue this story.

Katie


	4. Emergency

Chapter Four: Emergency

Ruthie walked in her eyes red from crying, she had a distant look to her like she didn't know exactly what was going on. She was soaking wet, as though she had just walked here in the pouring rain, droplets of rain dripping off her eyelashes as she blinked. Kaylie looked over at her and her anger disappeared. She looked back up at Megan who had glanced over at Ruthie and then back at Kaylie glaring. Kaylie sighed and turned back to her mirror while Megan rushed over to Ruthie.

"Oh my god, Ruthie…" Megan trailed off as she reached Ruthie taking hold of her arms, Ruthie bowed her head tears rolled down her cheek mixing with the rain as it fell from her chin. Megan's hands were now damp from the rain soaking through Ruthie's shirt. Megan looked at Ruthie shocked. Ruthie was wearing a loose, dark blue, long-sleeved shirt, and a pair of jeans. The thin cotton shirt that scooped low in the front now clung to Ruthie's skin. Her jeans blackened from the rain now wrapped even tighter to her. "Ruthie what happened?"

Megan led Ruthie clumsily over to her table where Ruthie collapsed. Allison one of the other dancers, and Megan's friend, rushed over with a bunch of towels which she wrapped around Ruthie's shoulders while Megan took one and began to dry off her hair and face. Kaylie glanced over as she opened up a new Lipgloss and began applying it. Ruthie looked up the tears still running down her face, but her expression blank and unreadable. She looked over at Kaylie her eyes blank. Their eyes locked briefly before Kaylie looked away. Kaylie recognized that look she'd seen it on Megan many times but was surprised to see it on Ruthie.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?" Megan asked crouching down beside Ruthie so that she blocked Kaylie from view. Ruthie closed her eyes and covered her face.

"Megan…"She sobbed.

"Ruthie what is it? What Happened?" Megan said her voice shaking gently with fear.

"I…I was k-k-kicked o-out…" Ruthie sobbed. She lowered her hands, which had begun to tremble, and looked at Megan. She bit back her lip as she gazed into Megan's eyes as she tried to regain control, her body slipping out of her control slowly. Megan looked at her, worry written on her face.

"Out of school?" Megan said placing one hand against Ruthie's face which had begun to droop. "Ruthie! Out of school?" She repeated louder. Ruthie struggled to keep her eyes open as she looked at Megan intently and nodded.

"What…what'll I do?" She said her words slurring. Ruthie suddenly felt sick, thinking about it made her stomach ache, but before Ruthie could verbalize her concern she vomited all over herself and Megan.

"Oh. Okay. Ruthie?" Megan said jumping back a little. Kaylie put down her lipgloss and looked back over worried. Her embarrassment and pain put aside as she watched Ruthie slide out of her chair onto the floor unconscious. Her body shaking violently

"Ruthie!" Kaylie cried rushing over to kneel beside Megan. "What happened? Oh my god!" Kaylie said beginning to cry. Megan ignored her as she shook Ruthie, she felt as though time had been slowed and now it was racing by, precious seconds slipping away from her.

"Out of my way!" Megan shrieked at Kaylie. "Ruthie! RUTHIE!" Megan grabbed hold of her and held her close.

"CALL 911!" Megan shrieked hysterically tears suddenly streaming down her face. "Ruthie please wake-up!" She sobbed. "Please! I need you..."

* * *

Megan paced back and forth in the Emergency room, her arms wrapped tightly around her small frame. Sweat dripping from every pore on her face as she shivered in the cold waiting room. Her stomach churned remembering all that had happened. Tyler rushed in and over to Megan who grabbed him tightly and began to cry into his coat. Shocked by this Tyler stood stiffly in the middle of the ER with Megan's arms wrapped tightly around his trunk. After the shock wore off he pulled Megan off him slightly and looked her in the eyes. Her eyes were so soft and gentle, he'd never seen her look like this, as long as he'd known her she'd always looked hard and determined never vulnerable like she did now. He knew something terrible had happened.

"What happened? Is she alright?" Tyler demanded, his voice harsh but caring. Megan looked back at him trying to formulate her thoughts.

"I-I-I don't know. She just showed up a-a-at the club soaking w-w-wet and…" Megan pulled Tyler into the corner by his shirt she leaned in closer to him. "I think she OD'd" Megan said her voice shaking. Tyler turned white and put a hand to his forehead.

"Shit…" Tyler managed to say as he collapsed into a chair shaking. Megan began to cry harder seeing him like this. Megan knelt down beside him and looked up at him. There was only the one seat available as the ER was crowded. Megan folded her arms on the arm of the chair and laid her head on top of them crying.

Tyler put his head in his hands and pulled his hands up over his face funning them through his hair. He looked around and saw distraught people all around, many staring at him and Megan. He realized how obvious it was to everyone right then. He looked down at Megan, her long blonde hair damp from the rain, ran down her back even pulled back. Her thin frame accentuated by her almost translucent skin. She looked up at him and roughly wiped away the tears. Her face was red and blotchy from crying. Tyler took her arm and lifted her up.

"What?" Megan said slightly annoyed.

"Shit Megan, do you get it?" Tyler said hysterically.

"What are you talking about?" Megan had obviously no idea what he meant, and was not in the mood to try to figure it out. "Tyler, this is not the time for your psychotic—"

"Shut the fuck up and just listen to me!" He said harshly pushing her closer to the wall. Megan glared at him waiting for him to give her one reason to send him flying across the room.

"Fuck, Tyler. What the—"

"You have to leave! Now! You can't stay!" Tyler said quickly.

"What!" Megan shrieked.

"Shut up! Look we can't both be here and you look worse. So just go back to the apartment and—"Megan had heard enough she knew what he meant but she didn't care. She shoved him hard sending him flying backward he stumbled to keep on his feet.

"Fuck you!" She shrieked at the top of her lungs. Everyone watched them. "What the hell is wrong with you? You're fucking girlfriend is dying and you don't give a fuck!"

"Shut the fuck up!" He screamed advancing towards her a fire in his eyes.

"Touch me Tyler and you'll never have children!" Her voice deadly as she glared at him. Tyler stopped, his face bright red, his eyes black with hatred. He looked around meeting everyone's stares.

"Excuse me is there a problem?" A nurse asked glaring at Tyler. Tyler turned and disappeared into the stormy night. Megan watched him disappear, her heart aching for Ruthie but the fury for Tyler overshadowed it. How could he do this to her? How could he be so sweet one second, and a total psycho the next?

"I need to know how my friend is doing." Megan said turning to the nurse. The nurse sighed and headed back to the front desk. "Please! How is she?" Megan begged following her back.

"I'm sorry we can only release the information to family."

"She doesn't have any family!" Megan said quickly. "We only have each other…Please!" Megan cried.

"Ms. Malone" Megan turned around. A doctor walked towards her. "Are you Megan Malone?"

"Yes! How is she? Is she alright?" Megan asked.

"Do you know how we can contact her family?"

"She doesn't have any!" Megan yelled. "Please. We live together. I'm her best friend! You have to tell me!" The man looked at her and then back down at his chart.

"Follow me." Megan hurried after him. Down the hallway, through several sets of double doors and a very awkward elevator ride.

"I'll come and get you when she's awake, once we can an okay from her." The man turned and left leaving Megan alone in an empty waiting area. She sat down, overwhelmed with defeat.

* * *

Authors Note: Sorry for the delay. Thanks everyone for being so patient. Now tha midterms are over and I'm starting to get a rythym I should hopefully have updates more quickly. I have already begun working on the next chapter and I hope to have it up next week.

Now about this lol. I felt this was the best place to end chapter otherwise it would have been too long and complicated. I hope everyone liked this chapter.

Katie


	5. Encounter

Chapter Five: Encounter

Ruthie opened her eyes slowly as light flooded in with every crack; she blinked rapidly as her eyes adjusted. Her throat felt raw, it burned hot like after a hangover; her stomach was sore as though the contents had been ripped out, which is exactly what had happened. Ruthie looked around her eyes finally adjusted; she was in a small white room with a large glass window that allowed people from the hall to look in. She looked down and ran her fingers over the top of the white blanket, her mind racing.

Ruthie sat up frantically and tried to pull out the IV, all she could think of was getting out of here. The machine beside her began beeping loudly Ruthie panicked and tried to shut it up. A nurse rushed into the room and pushed Ruthie back against the bed.

"Don't pull those out," She scolded. She had a thick Irish accent. Ruthie glared as the short curly haired, freckle-faced woman reprimanded her.

"What am I doing here?" Ruthie hissed.

"Shush. Your doctor will be in, in a minute. If you pull those out you'll be a bloody mess" Ruthie and the nurse faced off eye to eye, but Ruthie gave in first still feeling weak. She lay back defeated. The Nurse let go of Ruthie's arm after fixing the IV's. She turned and left pulling the door closed behind her.

Ruthie sat there fuming; she could not believe how the nurse had treated her. But her anger dissipated as she waited for the doctor, and was replaced with fear. She could feel that tightness in her chest begin to creep back up on her. Thoughts raced through her head, she remembered going to NYU, storming out. She could remember how upset she was and that she needed to calm down and relax. She remembered shooting up. She remembered being at the club but the rest was a blur. She only vaguely remembered the club faces, phrases but that's it.

"Ms. Camden, I'm glad to see you awake." A tall man with short blonde hair, and light eyes. "Camden…Ruthie Camden…" Ruthie looked, watching him. He looked at her and shrugged. "Ms. Camden, Do you remember what happened?"

"No…" Ruthie said quietly. "What happened?" Ruthie asked hesitantly.

"You overdosed. You nearly died." Ruthie froze, her eyes fixed on the floor. She could feel that familiar tightening in her chest. Ruthie could feel him watching her waiting for a reaction, a response, something…but she couldn't speak. But before he could say anything more the door burst open and Megan burst in. Her long blonde hair sticking to her face which was covered in sweat.

"Oh my god! You're alright!" Megan rushed over and pulled Ruthie into a hug.

"Yeah….I'm fine…" Ruthie whispered. "I just…I want to get out of here…" Megan nodded slightly and pulled back. She turned to the doctor.

"Doctor…er...is there anything else or can she leave now?" Megan said quickly, crossing her arms.

"Doctor Martin." Ruthie looked up at him and felt her face flush.

"Yeah, whatever. Can we go?" Megan said going back to her point.

"We'd like to keep you overnight, to make sure you're alright—"

"I'm fine." Ruthie said quickly. "I just want to leave. So where do I sign?"

* * *

Matt hopped out of the cab and then hopped back in realizing he forgot his jacket he apologized and quickly closed the door. He made his way through the crowd and into the ER, he hated talking at these conferences, but had purposely picked this hospital this way he could visit his friend.

He made his way to the receptions desk and waited while she finished on the phone. He looked around the waiting room, it was packed with people huddled together in groups or sitting by themselves quietly, it reminded him of when had worked in the clinic it felt like so long ago. In a way it was.

"Can I help you?" She asked hanging up the phone. She was young, early twenties; she had straight black hair that only barely reached her shoulders.

"Yes, I'm here to see my friend Cameron. He's a doctor here." The woman looked at him but didn't respond. Matt looked confused. "Oh right. Dr. Martin." He clarified.

"He's with a patient. I could beep him for you."

"Matt what are you doing here?" Matt turned around and saw Cameron.

"Hey, Cam." Matt said smiling widely. He walked over and shook Cam's hand. "How are you?" Matt smiled and leaned slightly against the counter.

"Good. What are you doing here?"Cam asked opening up a file in his hand. Cam scanned the file and his face froze.

"I'm doing a lecture here, they gave me a choice of where—"Matt slowed down to a stop as he saw a flash of brown hair streak past the corner of his eye. Everything seemed to slow down. He turned away from Cam. His eyes scanned the crowded ER. Until he found it. Two young girls rushing through the crowd.

"Oh god." Cam looked up at Matt. "Matt. What's your sister's name?"

"Ruthie!" Matt shouted. The girl turned slightly and caught his gaze. She froze for a second before grabbing her friends arm and pulling her quickly out the door.

Matt made a dash out the door his heart racing, he twisted and turned through the sea of people as he rushed towards the door, the two were already out of his sight. He finally made his way through the automatic doors and out into the sunlight. Ruthie was rushing across the street her short brown hair flying back towards him.

"Ruthie!" He screamed. "Wait!" Ruthie didn't turn around this time. His feet wanted to move but he couldn't he stayed still momentarily. Thoughts flashed through his minds so fast he couldn't make sense of them. He knew he wouldn't be able to catch them.

His body caught up with his feet and he raced after them.

A yellow cab came to a stop and the girl Ruthie was with hopped in Ruthie held the door open and stared at Matt who was racing up the block after her. Their eyes met and he pleaded with her. Ruthie shook her head and mouthed 'sorry' before getting into the car and slamming the door shut.

Matt picked up the speed and made it to the car as it was pulling away. He placed a hand on it yelling for it to stop but it only picked up speed. Matt stopped running and stood still staring as the car disappeared. Tears were falling down his face before he had time to realize he was crying. He'd lost her. Again.

* * *

Authors Note: I am SO SO SO SO SO Sorry that it has taken me sooo long to post this. I had it all written like months ago but I lost it and I always have trouble rewriting Chapters because I don't like to I never feel it comes out as good. Then I had so much work to do. I just started classes again, but I am going to try really hard to update more often I hope I haven't lost any readers. I want thank you all for being so patient. I feel so bad.

Katie


	6. Spinning Out of Control

Chapter Six: Spinning Out Of Control

Ruthie stumbled into the apartment behind Megan, the smell hit her hard as the stench of stale beer and smoke stung her eyes. Ruthie blinked back the tears and looked around, the small grungy apartment felt different to her, dirtier. The dirty clothes strewn across the empty space that filled most of the apartment, suddenly bothered her. The flies circling around the kitchen sink repulsed her. She couldn't believe this was her apartment.

"Ruthie?" Megan looked at her waiting for her to come in. Even Megan seemed different to her. Thinner, yes, but she seemed to always be thinner if that was even possible, but something else. "Come in."

Ruthie walked in slowly and Megan shut the door behind her, the heavy metal door slammed shut shaking the walls and resonating throughout the apartment. Ruthie looked at Megan her empty eyes stared back.

"I need to lie down…" was all Ruthie could say. She walked past Megan silently and closed the bedroom door behind her.

Megan stared after her. "Okay…." She whispered quietly to herself. "I'm glad you're okay." She turned and went into the bathroom.

Ruthie let her coat slide off her arms and fall to the floor at her feet, she left it there among the rest of the clothes. She climbed on to the dingy bed and wriggled her way under the covers letting everything fall to the already cluttered floor. She pulled the covers up over her head and lay still letting everything sink in.

She felt overwhelmed with so many emotions she didn't know what to feel. Seeing Matt, Seeing Matt see her like that had hit her hard. She'd spent the last month trying to erase the fact that her family knew. She couldn't bear to hurt them; she'd always love them…

But if she loved them why was she choosing to hurt them?

Ruthie screamed in her head she wanted the voices to stop. To leave her alone. She knew what a fuck up she was, all she wanted now was some quiet.

Sleep graced her every so often but for the most part she laid suffering in her room alone for hours and hours. Drifting in and out of consciousness or at least awareness. After awhile The sweat on her back made the heavy comforter stick to her but she didn't care. She was uncomfortable in her own skin physical annoyances were nothing. However when the early morning wind blew in through the open window it was comforting.

Tyler finally came back in those early hours and disturbed Ruthie to try and pathetically explain his actions, not that Ruthie cared. She lay motionless as he apologized and rubbed her back, kissing the nape of her neck in an attempt to persuade her. But after a few minutes he gave up and left mumbling about having his time wasted. A few minutes…She could tell he really cared.

Ruthie was tired of his games. It was too much work to keep Tyler happy and herself sane. She knew he cheated on her and it honestly didn't bother her anymore, because she had no emotional tie to Tyler. She wasn't sure why she was even with him anymore. But wasn't sure she could take leaving him. Any change seemed frightening beyond belief. But living like she was terrified her, she was stuck.

Another wave of Depression settled over her as she thought about Tyler. She lay motionless again hoping she'd get lucky and slip into a coma. Slip away from reality for a few more hours…or days…or weeks…Life was just so complicated. At least hers was…

_But after all I chose this lifestyle. I am here because of decisions that I made. I decided to work at the club, knowing what it was and suspecting what was really going on behind those curtains. I decided to do cocaine when Megan offered, after all those talks and lectures I'd had with my parents growing up. All the information I'd been given about Drugs and the addiction and I still decided to forget it all and jump headfirst into the pool. And who's to be surprised that I smacked my head on the concrete bottom. And now I'm paying the price. I lie bleeding at the bottom of the pool drowning in my own stupidity praying for death. Sounds about right._

_If I could go back would I really have done anything different being in the same position…given the same choices? Of course not. Why would I? I've always hated that question. If I made those decisions then, if nothing's changed why would my decision change? If I had known really known that this was where I would end up…Yes I still would. I'm still that kid who dived in right next to the sign that says no diving with a picture of a kid hitting his head. So yes I still would. So why do I regret my decision?_

_Maybe this was all supposed to happen maybe this is my destiny and I'm supposed to end up like this and be one of the numbers that help keep kids from ending up like me. Like numbers actually mean anything…it's sad to think that my destiny is to be a number. I wonder what number I'll be…._

The hours dwindled away as she lay there thinking her thoughts began to pull her back to reality slightly with every growing hour. But not towards sanity. She felt as though the longer she lay there the more brain cells she was losing, not to mention the urge to scratch her skin off or put a bullet through her skull was growing as fast as her temperature. She knew exactly why. It was exactly how she'd felt when she was trapped in Glenoak. Dry. Like a sponge that had been squeezed dry and left in the sun to bake.

She knew she wouldn't be able to last much longer. Or could she? Could she kick this parasitical addiction that was leeching her life away from her?

Sadly, no. There wasn't any hope in her mind that she could all she could think about was how long could she last? How much longer till the seconds she counts become milliseconds? How much longer till every centimeter of her body screams for anything to cure the burning?

Ruthie sat up and ran her fingers through her hair. It had grown a bit since she'd cut it but it was still different and it was the first change in a while that made her happy. Running her fingers through her hair feeling the oil on her fingertips and the sweat against her palms distracted her and Ruthie needed distractions. She'd been lying in this bed for three days and her body was screaming at her every second of her thoughts was fixated.

Ruthie pushed back the covers and stumbled out of the bed and across the room to her dresser. She ripped it open and began sifting through the crap in the top drawer. Needles and syringes stared back at her tauntingly, there was nothing there.

Ruthie knew why, she'd used it all up last time she was hear.

After she'd heard the news about being expelled she panicked and headed home. There was no one there as usual, she was alone. With her head pounding and her chest tightening. All she wanted was to escape, to never wake up.

Ruthie slammed the door shut and out of her trance, she didn't need to remember picking up the full needle. She didn't need to remember what she did. Quickly she grabbed her coat off the floor and swung it on before leaving her room. Megan wasn't home, home that's a joke. This would never be a home.

Ruthie stepped off the elevator and out into the cool night air. She'd completely forgotten to check what time it was. She looked at the sky it was pitch black, the streets empty except for the man asleep on the corner. Ruthie zipped up her jacket and headed for the park it was about six blocks away. Which was not far but long enough in her mind. She tried to focus on every step she took watching the ground fall away behind her, but the excruciating pain was too much it shouted at her calling her stupid and worthless.

_I just want it all to stop to let me be. _

_Worthless. _

_I'm not! I'm giving you what you want! Just leave me alone!_

_You're pathetic! _

_Of course I am already know that. If I weren't I'd be at home. My real home with my family-_

_What Family? The one you embarrassed and made fools of? Why would they want you back?_

Ruthie stopped and leaned against the building tears streaming down her face, She screamed as loud as she could for as long as she could letting her voice echo into the silence. She screamed until her throat ached and her breath ran short. The tears choking her now useless voice. Only the taunting in her head continued. She stood there sobbing letting the finality finally hit her.

She could never go back home.

Ruthie stood there sobbing and shaking her stomach churning and her head splitting for what seemed like hours the pain increasing trying to rip her apart from the inside out, until she couldn't take it anymore.

Slowly she began to move along the wall her feet carrying her forward slowly as the sob began to die out and she regained control over her body. She pulled away from the building and ran the rest of the way to the park. She ran as fast as she could the wind ripping through her hair.

She slowed when she spotted Marcus. He was walking with Kaylie they were heading out. She picked up the pace.

"Marcus."She called out hoarsely. Marcus and Kailey turned.

"Ruthie!" Kailey ran over and threw her arms around Ruthie's neck. Ruthie hugged her back briefly before slipping out of her grasp. Marcus smirked at her before gliding over.

"Nice to see you're still alive." He said snidely. Ruthie narrowed her eyes and adjusted herself silently. "Kailey head back, I'll catch up." Kailey started to protest but under Marcus's glare she complied she gave Ruthie's hand a squeeze before leaving.

"So, you know what I need…" Ruthie said fiddling with her hair. Her skin was crawling and she wanted to get this done with.

"Need or want?" Marcus said smiling he moved closer to her and pulled her hair back so that his face was beside hers. She could feel his hot breath on her neck. "Interesting you should say need—"

"Stop fucking around! Just give it to me!" She snapped pushing him away from her. Marcus stumbled back, his head snapped up and glared at her. He reached into his pocket and advanced on her. She saw a flash of silver and he had her pinned to the bench a sharp pocket knife held to her throat.

"You have no idea what kind of world you're living in little girl." Marcus spat. The knife pushed deeper against her neck, she felt the skin break and the blood trickle out. He pulled something from his pocket and threw it on the ground. "Here. I'll collect my payment later."

Marcus pulled back the knife still pointed at her. She stayed still her eyes locked on him until he had disappeared into the darkness. Ruthie leaned over and vomited into the grass. Her body shook and screamed at her. She pulled the package out of the dirt and sat crossed-legged on the bench.

Twenty minutes later she lay on the bench the cool wind blowing against her wet cheeks. Tears silently streaming down the. Slowly she got up and stumbled down the path over to the next bench where the payphone was she deposited a quarter and dialed. She waited as it rang.

"Hello?"Annie answered groggily. It was late and everyone else in the house was asleep. Ruthie began to sob hearing the caring voice on the other end.

"Mom…" Ruthie managed to barely choke out. Annie's eyes snapped open, as heart raced.

"Ruthie? Ruthie is that you? Oh baby are you okay?" Annie asked wildly tears forming in her eyes. She shook Eric awake.

"Mommy…I'm so sorry…" Ruthie cried her words slurred.

"Ruthie where are you?" Annie begged. "Please—"

"You…you deserve a better one. A better daughter. I'm such…so bad…I don't…" Ruthie sobbed her mind working against her in her attempt to make sense.

Eric grabbed the phone from Annie who looked helplessly at him. "Ruthie!" He said loudly trying not to yell. Ruthie jumped at the sound of her Fathers voice. She slammed the phone down over and over before falling down onto the bench and curling up into a ball.

"Ruthie—Damn it!" Eric yelled throwing the phone across the bed. "She hung up." He threw the covers off him and got out of bed.

"Eric she didn't sound good. She barely made any sense." Annie sobbed. Eric looked at Annie and got back into the bed taking her into his arms. "We have to do something."

"But what?"

* * *

Authors Note: Yay im back lol finally i've been working on this chapter for weeks but I finally finished it. I'm sorry for the long delay but my life is very crazy now but I only have one more week of school then break for nearly 4 months whoo hoo! Also if anyone wants tocontact me you are welcom to IM or send me a message on twitter. My AIM account is SmileyGurl814 and my Twitter is NYCgirl814 because I know I sort of disappear for months and Fanfiction doesn't have a great system to get in touch with people. Hopefully I can continue this story as i've almost hammered out the kinks in the rest of the story line for this one and there may be a third one I haven't decided yet. hee hee ;)

Katie


	7. Stupor

Chapter Seven: Stupor

Ruthie woke on the bench, one side of her face burning from the heat of the sun beating down on it; the other drenched in spit and stuck to the bench. This had become Ruthie's bed for the past Week. Every night after work she would come here and wait for Marcus. When he arrived, sometimes with Kaylie sometimes without, she would buy enough to keep her out of it until she saw him again.

Every night he would leave with a smile on his face as he watched the terror she'd once had for him slowly turn to respect. Every night she would sit by the payphone and dial the same number, wait for 3 rings and hear her mother's voice. And every night she would hang up silently.

Ruthie couldn't deal with Megan, she loved Megan and didn't want to hurt her but nothing Megan said or did could change how she felt, she didn't understand. How could she? Megan had never had the same expectations of her as Ruthie had. Megan had grown up destined to live this life. Her Father was an alcoholic who abused her physically and sexually, until she was 16 when he shot and killed her boyfriend as a birthday present. Her mother was an abused wife who drank herself into a stupor every night to ignore what was going on in her own house. Megan only had no one.

Ruthie had 6 brothers and sisters all of whom cared about her and wanted to help her. Both a mother and Father who adored her and wanted to see her live a happy life. Her Father, the minister of their church had always talked to them about Drugs and Alcohol and how they destroyed lives. Ruthie had made her own stupid choices, and deserved to be exactly where she was.

But that's the thing, where exactly was she? She couldn't go home. Not her real home. She didn't even want to go to the place she now called home. She had nothing. Megan was all she had, and she didn't even know if she really had her.

The first day of summer.

She could remember how excited she used to get for this day. Back in Glenoak. Back when she'd had something to get excited over. When she was really little on the first day of summer Matt, Mary, Lucy, Simon and her would pile into the car and drive down to this nearby lake and spend the whole day swimming and playing games. She remembered the last year they all went together was the year Simon had taught her to swim in their bathtub. Her parents hadn't thought it would be possible but he did it. And that summer when Matt drove them down to the lake, she had been the first one in the water and the last one out. She still went there every summer, only over the years less of them went. Matt went off to school. Mary, well Mary had her own issues. Lucy lost interest. Then her and Simon drifted apart. The last time she was there was just before she moved to New York, she had gone alone, and hadn't set one toe in the water. She spent the entire day staring out at the lake in silence. She'd give anything to be staring out at that lake. Anything to be a little girl on that lake surrounded by the people she loved the most just one more time.

Ruthie got up off the bench and walked over to the payphone she deposited a quarter and dialed. She listened to it ring.

"Hello."

"I want to see you. Meet me by the castle in Central Park. One hour." Ruthie paused. "Please." She whispered before hanging up.

* * *

There she was, sitting alone on a bench, she couldn't look more out of place if she was naked. Sitting there with her black jean jacket three sizes too big, her short skirt riding up exposing her frayed black tights with holes in the knees, her greasy hair shining in the sunlight, and an emotionless glaze painted on her face. The little kids playing nearby ran past her like she didn't exist. The parents sitting in the grass watched her, whispering nasty comments to themselves.

He made his way over and stood over her. She looked up at him. "You can sit." She said quietly. "Do you remember the lake back home?"

Matt sat down beside her and nodded. "I remember." He looked at her, she closed her eyes and sighed. "I'm surprised you called me." He said.

"I'm surprised I called you too." She took out a pack of cigarettes from her pocket and pulled one out. She put it in her mouth and looked at Matt. "I'm not asking for your help." She said lighting her cigarette.

"Then why did you call?" Matt said frowning as she blew smoke up into the air.

"I told you I don't know—"

"I don't believe that. And what makes you think I won't just pick you up and force you to get help?" Matt said.

"Because you won't." Ruthie looked up at him, her eyes felt cold as they stared into his. "You're afraid. You're all afraid to make a move."

"All who?" Matt looked out at the water, it was too painful to look at her.

"You, Simon, Dad. You're all scared—"

"Scared _for_ you maybe." Matt growled. A small smile crawled across her face and then disappeared, She shook her head.

"You're afraid if you make a move and fail, that you'll lose me forever." She took another drag from her cigarette and looked back up at him. "But I've got news for you. You already have."

Matt grabbed Ruthie by the shoulders and turned her to face him. She flinched and closed her eyes. He looked down at her, broken. She was broken, she wasn't more than a shadow of herself. He released her and she scooted over staring at him in shock. "You think I'd hurt you?"

Ruthie just stared at him speechless. Matt looked at her searching her face for something, anything. Ruthie turned to face the water again. "Have you talked to Dad?" she whispered.

"Yeah, he's worried about you. We all are." Matt said. "We could help you if you let us—"

"No you couldn't." She snapped getting to her feet. She turned and faced him. "No one can help me. You don't even know me anymore."

"Why are you doing this then?" Matt asked standing up. "Why did you call me?" He repeated. Ruthie looked up at him and narrowed her eyes.

"Because I missed you" Ruthie yelled. The people around them glared and continued whispering. Ruthie could care less though. Her face was hot, red hot, but not from embaressment, but because of the tears running down her face. "I Miss you." She turned and walked away.

"Please don't leave. Ruthie, Please." He called after her but didn't follow. Because if nothing else one thing Ruthie had said was true. They were afraid.

* * *

Authors note: Yay I'm back :D Sorry for the ridiculously long wait for this chapter, I have most of the next chapter written but halfway through it I decided I wanted something to come before it. But then my a key on my keyboard stopped working it still doesn't work but I'm so used to typing without it and just pasting it in that I thought i'd try typing again. So I hope this chapter was worth the wait because I really like it. I hope to have the next one up soon. I also might be starting a new one about Faith from Buffy The Vampire slayer. But we'll see. This one is still my number one priority though.

xxKatie


	8. Fizzled Out

Chapter Eight: Fizzled out

Ruthie walked into the apartment and dropped her bag on the floor. It was the first day of fall, or the end of the first day of fall. She had spent her entire summer working at the club; the whole summer had begun to blend into one long day. An uneventful summer by her standards. The only difficult part of the summer was the week she would have been starting her sophomore year. Luckily she didn't remember that week at all.

Ruthie took off her new coat and draped it over the couch. It was a black leather coat that had been waiting at her dressing table when she got to the club last night. Attached to the front was a note with her name on it.

_Ruthie --  
Enjoy the gift.  
I know it will look great on you._

And for the moment Ruthie didn't care who it was from. She walked over to the fridge and pulled out a beer. She smacked the top against the counter drawer and opened it, tossing the cap into the trash. She returned to the couch and dropped onto the couch and leaned back grabbing the remote. She had only questioned Tyler once about how he could afford it, but after an hour of him screaming she'd given it up.

This was how she'd been spending most of her time. When she wasn't at the club she was either sleeping or lying on the couch near comatose. It was the only way she could deal with the black hole of despair that was draining her of all her energy.

* * *

"Ruthie. Ruthie!" Megan shook Ruthie harder jerking her awake. Ruthie stared at Megan through hazy eyes; she sat up knocking her empty bottle to the floor.

"Megan…What time is it?" Ruthie asked. She ran her fingers through her hair and wiped her nose. She looked at Megan and saw tears in her eyes. "What's wrong?"

"I quit." Megan said falling into the seat beside Ruthie. Ruthie looked confused.

"Quit what?"Ruthie stood up and grabbed a few of the bottles off the floor; she walked into the kitchen and tossed them into the trash. She grabbed two out of the fridge. She rolled her sleeve back down covering the needle marks on her arm. Sometime during the night, well early morning, she'd changed out of her uniform and into a grungy sweater and shorts.

"I quit. I'm not going back to the club. I'm not working at the Hotspot anymore." Megan said wiping tears from her eyes as she watched Ruthie sit down again. Ruthie handed her one.

"Why? What the hell happened?" Ruthie said. She stopped opening the bottle and looked at Megan confused.

"I went there today to pick up our paychecks, and I saw Johnson arguing with Lisa. And some airhead was standing behind Johnson smiling the whole time. He fired Lisa to hire some airhead. _Sinead_. He's replacing anyone over 20, for these barely legal, some of 'em not even legal. I'm not going to stay and have him replace me in a few months." Megan's face was red with anger and drenched in sweat she opened her bottle and downed it in a few seconds.

Ruthie couldn't believe Megan had quit, she understood why but couldn't understand how she could quit. Megan had been working at the Hotspot since before she turned 18; Ruthie had just recently found that out. Megan was Johnson's original favorite. She couldn't believe 9 months ago, she had only just met Megan and now couldn't see herself without her. 9 months ago she wasn't a drug-addict …

"What…What are you going to do?" Ruthie said shaking herself from her thoughts. She was having trouble believing she'd allowed herself to think that. Megan looked at her confused.

"Uh not work there. That would be the definition of quitting." Megan said sarcastically.

"That's not what I mean—"

"No. What you meant was what are you going to do? Right?" Megan said narrowing her eyes. "I have another job. I'm fine. But you, you can't imagine working there without me. Fuck, Ruthie. Is all you care about yourself?"

"Megan. That's not fair—"

"Well, guess what? Life's not fair." Megan threw the bottle against the wall; it hit and smashed into a cascade of glass. She went into the bedroom slamming the door behind her. Leaving Ruthie shell shocked on the couch. She retraced the brief argument in her head, until something stood out to her. Another job? What did Megan mean by that? Ruthie didn't think Megan would be in the sharing mood though just yet. She checked her watch. 6:30pm. she was due at the club in half an hour. She couldn't believe the entire day was gone. She spent most of her time not remembering her days, or nights.

She got up and pulled her sweater off, leaving only her bra and shorts on. She searched through the piles of dirty clothes around the house for a shirt the only thing clean enough was a bright red halter top that wrapped around the back of her neck. She pulled it on and threw her jacket on over.

When Ruthie got to the Club, there was chaos. Johnson was red in the face from screaming, she could hear him the moment she entered the club even over the chatter and music. Kaylie was standing beside him crying. A tall girl with bright red hair that ran down to the middle of her back, freckles sprinkled lightly across her cheeks was standing behind Johnson looking bored. Ruthie knew that had to be Sinead. A few other girls that Ruthie didn't really know were standing behind her. The rest of the dancers the ones who had been here as long or longer then Ruthie were standing across from Johnson. Kaylie looked up and spotted Ruthie she ran over.

"Ruthie did Megan really quit?" Kaylie cried. Ruthie blinked in confusion; she was still trying to understand the situation in front of her. "Ruthie did she quit?"

"Yes, she quit." Ruthie said to Kaylie. She put a hand on her shoulder and looked at her sympathetically. "What's going on?" She called. Mr. Johnson turned to see Ruthie, but the anger in his face didn't disappear.

"Where's Megan?" He yelled.

"She quit. She's not coming back." Ruthie said flatly.

"Fuck. Why aren't you in uniform? Get your ass changed and on stage." He yelled turning his attention back to Celeste.

"Celeste what's going on?" Ruthie walked over to the 22 year old and put a hand on her shoulder.

"He's replacing us!" She yelled at Johnson who practically growled back at her. "He fired Lisa. And everyone knows why! It's because she was 26 and he's trying to make the club a place for Pedophiles!"

"Shut up! Just get your asses on stage—"

"Since you need us I would think you'd talk to us nicer." Ruthie said calmly.

"Look I don't need any smart ass comments from you. I can replace you—"

"I think that would be the point. And I'm not going on stage. If Megan doesn't work here neither do I. Or didn't you get that the last time, when you tried to fire me. And Seeing as Megan isn't going to work here unless you rehire Lisa, you're out of luck."

Mr. Johnson looked shocked his face drained of color, it must have dawned on him that he was losing two of his best Dancers. While Kaylie was adorable and beautiful she couldn't dance like Megan and Ruthie. "Fine." He screamed. He grabbed Kaylie and shoved her towards the dressing room. "Get your ass ready, and get on stage." Before Ruthie could say anything Kaylie had disappeared into the back.

Ruthie glared at Mr. Johnson, "You might want to be careful since this club is getting riskier by the second." She turned to leave but a hand grabbed her back. She spun around, face to face with her manager.

"Is that a threat?" He sneered.

"It's a warning." She hissed shaking him off her. Ruthie left, she didn't turn around once. She walked out of the club with no intention of ever going back.

* * *

**Author's Note: Hey everyone!! See I have not forgotten about this story. I've actually had this chapter written for months it was just on my laptop and I kept forgetting to transfer it off. But now I have and I have really been getting back into writing because of my new story. So I am going to try to keep working on this one and 'In The Dark' as well. Hopefully people are still interested in this one. **

**And if anyone is interested in Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel then check out my new story "Angel of the Night"**

**Katie**


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